So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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