I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
