You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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