Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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