smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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