I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i've created a new STD.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
