the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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