I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
