we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
