I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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