The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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