You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
