you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
