i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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