We got so high we made milksteak
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
