my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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