We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
