I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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