There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
