This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
