if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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