last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh god it's open bar.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
