im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
