i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
