I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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