living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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