K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
