Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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