the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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