She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize