I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
