Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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