I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
