Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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