Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
