woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Still dying that you shit outside
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
