So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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