i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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