If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
