; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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