Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
