My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
