Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
