Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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