i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I love having hate sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
