One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
