Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
