STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
