...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
