he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize