I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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