This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
