just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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