Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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