god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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