I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
