My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
