This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
