Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
