Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
