her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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