i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
