i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
