Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
