cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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