there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
