I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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