I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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