Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
