she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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