We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
