I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think i got beer on your cat.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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