i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no you cant smoke seaweed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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