a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
