the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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