Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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