Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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