Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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