The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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