theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
