We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
