He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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