Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
