Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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