So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would fuck him just for his dog
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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