my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she pinky promised me she was 18
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
