stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
